Why I’m all cut from my deltoids (featuring YELLE et Icarus)
August 14, 2014
It’s time I get back on path of becoming a multi-faceted designer. I still have so much to learn about life and its many challenges, but one day I’ll get there. I’m not sure if someone will be waiting at the end of the path, but at least I’ll know that I was capable. I used to be afraid of being alone since that is all I felt growing up. I would indulge into a realm of fantasy by staying up countless hours watching shows to live another life. I would get involved with as many student organizations, to not be alone. I would play loud music while walking home to not hear the conversations that could have been taking place. All that is gold does not glitter. Many of George’s friends thought I didn’t like them, when in reality I just couldn’t feel. I got so used to him being my only company that I really didn’t care for anyone else. The beauty of being in a monogamous relationship. Times are changing and sometimes one being is not enough, at least in my case. We were both at a really difficult position when we met, that at least to me, us being together just felt right. He would listen to what made me hurt as I would listen to him. Eventually, the listening just stopped and I ended up hurting him; I gave him insecurities that he didn’t have. For being such a critical being, I pushed him too far. He hoped that I would become a better me, but I didn’t/still don’t entirely know how. I’ll give myself credit in saying that I have managed to make progress, but is it really worth it when in reality, George was holding on by a thread for the better me.
I wish him and his family the very best of life. I’m happy knowing that he’s in a better position in life and that he has people that truly care about him. I used to envy his siblings so much. The fact that they would call and visit him, while I would just worry about mine. I have this mental disease where I just love to compare myself to the world. This sickening disease that refuses to be average. This sickening disease that keeps me breathing and feeling. I used to always promote a message about self-love and embracing who you are. I got too carried away that by trying to become a better me for him that I lost track of who I am. I’m finally breaking free. I’m expressing myself again. I stopped blogging the day he asked me to be his, so it only makes sense to start writing again.
Icarus explores my desk.